Tag: Sleep is for the Zzzz

The Forced Muse

Lately I’ve been procrastinating everything. Things at work. Things at home. Something has been rubbing me the wrong way and it’s a combination of things. I love my job, but lately there’s been a ton of drama. This drama has forced me to put in more effort than my normal above and beyond and somehow come out behind. Sales are still going well but there’s something bugging me and I can’t put my finger on it.

At home I am ramping up for my trip back to Canada. Admittedly I haven’t given much thought to it, as it sneaks up at ridiculously supersonic speeds. One week? Where the hell did the time go!? Thanks to my girlfriend who has a knack for planning trips, everything is organised. It’s not that I’m not stoked to visit family and friends. It’s just, well… many of my friends have grown distant. Less to be excited about. Going back home is going to be a sobering reminder that the last time I was home was for my father’s funeral. I’ve had better times, but I know I must go and pay my respects.

My mind at the moment has been drawn to the allure of mindless gaming (AKA Diablo III). No thoughts. No cares. Clear goals. Achievable goals. Kill demon. Get loot. Wash, rinse and repeat. It has actually been preoccupying my mind predominately while I am awake. One could say I am addicted, but considering how easy it was to let go when my girlfriend claimed the lounge room tonight, I’d say that’s not necessarily the case. It’s just easy.

That being said, since my mind was suddenly freed from the perils of Sanctuary and the looting of its demons, I decided to get caught up on life. I shaved my rather rough beard, replied to some emails and messages, read some news and eventually sat down to write more into Jefferson’s second adventure. Then my mind wandered. I’m unhappy with the vagueness of the world I’ve created for my poor protagonist. I stared at the poor screen, knowing where and what I wanted Jefferson to do in his bland new world. His last adventure has proven fruitful, but even I am beginning to punch holes in the realm of magic I’ve created. Once I’ve started to do that, it was a lot like plugging holes in a sinking ship with paper towel; End result is, it still sinks. I’ve created a story set in a world not so different from our own. Now I apparently need to go back over the world and flesh it out. Work out the kinks. Then one of my other ideas forced its way into my thoughts and demanded some attention.

Now, it’s twelve in the morning before I work in less than the suggested hours for sleeping. I have just begun work on a new world with new lore. That’s not to say that poor Jefferson is out in the lurch, but what it does mean is I’m growing my creative playground for future me to run amok in. The new story idea pertains to a fragment I wrote a few posts back entitled “Fragment: The Truth About Heaven and Hell” and fleshing out the world surrounding that. Strangely enough my mind flooded with ideas while doing research that it made me consider a possible mythology for my world based around creation.

The Creator had brought the Watchers and the Dwellers into being, one to govern over the other in the Creator’s stead. The Watchers were tasked with noting the progression of the Dwellers in their world and were explicitly not to interfere in Dweller matters. The Creator left the Watchers to their task, and soon, Watchers broke rank and became consumed with the affairs of the Dwellers. They obsessed over their beauty and lusted for them, their frail bodies and short lived mortality. Watchers were powerful, and could shape-shift as they saw fit to enter into forbidden relations among the Dwellers, giving birth to a whole league of various powerful beings. These beings were worshipped as the Gods in their respective lands, leading to sometimes tall and sometimes accurate tales of valor, glory and failure. As these Gods intermingled among each other and the Dwellers, Demi-Gods came into being. As the Demi-Gods mingled among Dwellers and died off, their tales dissolved into myths and legends.

This is the explanation for our own current myths and legends in the world today, or as I hope, in the world I will be writing into soon. The Watchers are an angelic race who are genderless. Their abilities to shape shift come into play in the story as many have fled their realm to avoid persecution by the Guardians who are Watchers remaining true to their initial cause. These beings are trying to buy their way back into their old existence as a life immortal among mortals is torturous. The Guardians rely on the “Angel of Death” for new recruits, but suddenly new recruits stop coming. No one is dying. Death is nowhere to be found. The Demon Gate suddenly shatters, pouring evils into the world of the Dwellers. Forced to act, the Guardians begin their search for a Dweller to take up the mantle of Death before evil overruns everything the Creator tasked them with protecting.

I’m enjoying the concept of Hell simply being a place where evil is locked away. Not people, nor beings; but their actions and memories, personified. As these demons break free, the Guardians virtually fight to the last being until the Second-In-Command sacrifices themselves to allow another Guardian time to relay the message to the others. I’m excited for the twists around the Heaven-Hell mythology and the characters that come with it. Righteous Guardians, Fallen Angels, Murderous Demons, Mischievous Evils and all the while the poor Dwellers are stuck in the middle. Now, even regular people are seemingly invincible and immortal with Death not performing the job’s namesake. Hell has come to Earth, but who will stop it?

I know who. But first, I have a million things to do and a trip coming soon. I am in dire need of a “staycation” where I can clean for the first two days, create a writing nest, disconnect my internet and write! Maybe this year I will end up forcing myself back into NaNoWriMo… which is how I met so many of you lovely readers! Might not be a bad idea! Anyway I shall leave you with that as I work in T-Minus seven hours. Thanks for reading and be sure to give me an update on your own projects! Let me know I’m not alone or celebrate your win with me!

A Moment In Time

Work is an odd place.

I work in retail and today, for a small moment, I found myself extremely proud to be there. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but I’ve always introduced the fact I work retail in a depressed sort of light. When people ask where my partner works, I’ve always been proud of the fact that she’s a teacher. She teaches the future generations kindness, patience and knowledge. These gifts are incredible and unparalleled. Then people turn to me. I feel the sweat begin to form beneath my arms. I get nervous. Then they ask the question I fear, “And where you do work?”

Back in Canada, retail has a stigma. Maybe it’s everywhere, I don’t know. Retail is looked at as that place where people who couldn’t get a career settle in. Upon my arrival in Australia, I knew retail was my best hope. I had next to no professional experience in programming and less than zero experience in animation. I did have plenty of experience in management though, so I relied on it. I had managed to get one retail job and managed to get two promotions there within a year. Then I moved across to my current company and managed a similar feat. Despite these accomplishments, I still avoided eye contact when people asked where I worked. I’d say things like, “I only work retail.” or “I’m just a manager.”

In reality, work is where I sometimes feel happiest. I’m not saying my home life is terrible and I’m not saying I’d change a thing. But everyday I feel that sense of accomplishment of getting something done or rallying the team to overcome a challenge. I not only enjoy it, I savour it. Perhaps it is due to my hobby of writing near accomplishing nothing. Maybe the path is too vague. At work the path is clear and the numbers don’t lie. When you’re doing well, you know it, and so do the sales. It’s nice to know that once I have finished something there is a result.

I felt extremely accomplished the moment I wrote the final words to Jefferson & The Magician’s Curse. I reread it and enjoyed it immensely. I passed it onto my partner who had many questions and comments. In fact, she’s still working on her edit. Now that it’s done, it’s almost like… what now? I recently read a story posted by one of the people I have met during my blogging escapades. It was so rich with detail I felt as though I’d been there. Her characters seemed like old friends. I finished the story and almost clapped it was that well done. Then I read her next blog post about how she’s still having trouble finding a publisher. The story was so good, I’d pay for it. Yet here I was, standing in the shadow of her talents, hoping to find my own success. Doom is about as close a word to the true feeling for my poor story.

At work today we rejoiced in the sales of last week, being up over a quarter of our target above the budget. We contributed to many of the goals and targets our region is tracking and we celebrated with the team. I had a load of fun joking around and despite the terrible weather outside and the lack of customers, I found myself just enjoying the day. My boss came off the conference call grinning and I asked him how it had gone. It had gone better than expected and apparently the bosses were happy. Everything has been going exceptionally well. Are there things to work on? Of course. But at the end of the day, this is the best job I’ve ever had. Today, for the first time in my life, I felt extremely proud of what I do for a living. But of course tomorrow is a new day, but for now, I feel like some sort of retail rockstar… so I’ll just ride the high while I can.

As for writing, I’m hoping to find that sense of accomplishment again sometime soon. I’ve also been trying to get up the courage to enter a local writing competition, or submit a short story for publication. It’s only taken a decade for me to be confident in retail… seems I just need some more time and some more completed stories to get there.

As for those of you out there who use Scrivener, do you make separate files for each different idea or do you have all your ideas in one place and have each idea in its own folder? This question relates very closely to the original reason I started using a wiki (which I may try to go back to at some point) as ideas and the such can be outlined for characters easier and story ideas can be worked on without switching screens. At the moment, all of my ideas are in their own “.scriv” files and when I’m working on one idea if I get inspiration into another, it’s very jarring to close one and load another. I’m open to suggestions!

Although I’ve heard plenty about the writings of the people beyond the screen, but what do you do to pay the bills? Who is the daytime author really?

What Was I Doing? Oh… Yeah…

January first, twenty fourteen. One man. Many missions.

Accomplished?

Not even close.

As of last week of twenty thirteen, I virtually dropped off the face of the Earth in regards to writing. With two puppies, social commitments, work descending into the depths of chaos (Christmas in retail anyone?) and a severe lack of sleep… my accomplishments broke down into: Ate three times (not just meals) today, managed to get to the washroom before it became a pants issue and slept more than five hours. For anyone who has never had a pet, get your stuff in order first. Don’t know what I mean? You will.

As for the pups they’ve grown quite a bit. Last weekend was their first exceptionally long car ride during which they were quite well behaved. Also we took them to the beach. If you ever want to see the cutest thing ever, watch a miniature dachshund swim. Their tiny legs in the water look even shorter, so they look like they’re hovering! Cuteness aside, pets have been a trying experience as our day has begun ending later and starting earlier. I am by no means a morning person, and getting up at six thirty is rough. It was rough when I was doing it to write (which I love) but now I am doing it for exercise (a necessary evil). I miss sleeping in on my days off and feeling well rested. But… I have always wanted a dachshund.

At work stats are improving, the store looks great, the atmosphere has changed and everything is much more positive. This is great, but also means I’ve been busier, I’m exhausted when I get home and spend more time than I should there. I love the job and the company though, so that’s a definite plus. I just hope to get my own store soon so I can have my own atmosphere and my own rules. This store is still doing some things I wouldn’t tolerate if it were my store, but as I am one of three managers, consistency is a hard fought battle.

Lately I’ve also become obsessed with collectors editions of books. From the beautifully silk covered and bound books I got a few months back to the Barnes & Noble Signature Collection, I’ve been hunting for great prices and fantastic editions of my faves. A few of my latest purchases have arrived (The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe and HP Lovecraft’s Complete Fiction) and I was not disappointed. Also, it has been fantastic to revisit the deep one infested town of Innsmouth and once again be an accomplice to the murder of poor Fortunato (Or Unfortunato… heh). I am also awaiting so many others, one in particular being the Count of Monte Cristo, one of my all time favourites. These books are beautifully decorated and high quality, which is a relief considering I ordered them blindly from the US.

Hmm… there was something else as well… drawing? No. Music? Hmm, no, not that either. Ah yes… writing.

With the above details into my life as it has been since the turn of the year, do you think I have accomplished that which I wanted to? Not a chance. I think if I wanted to complete it any time soon I would have to either put a beanbag chair in the back of my van and leave early for work or somehow convince my dogs to calm down while I write like a madman. The other issue is when I do finally get time to work on it (such as today) I have a million and one chores (clothes, dishes, cleaning, dogs, food, should probably shave…) that kill the day. Yes, I hear what you’re thinking. Why are you writing this blog post then? Go write your story! Don’t worry, that voice is in my head too. But this is easier to write with the smidgen of attention span I have left, and in between the chores. I will work on it in a bit, when I am more awake.

Anyone else find their life just gets in the way? Social commitments? Work? Sleep? Share in my pain and let me know how you ladies and gents are going out there!