Tag: Help

Fear of Failing: It's a Thing

So, for anyone who used to read this blog and for anyone who stumbles upon it, this blog was meant for writing and gathering feedback. Roughly four months ago I began November with a chip on my shoulder and the intent to write a novel in a month. Needless to say, I have failed.

I tried everything I could to get myself there. Oh, except make time. Everything and its dog was more important.

Now I have returned to stare down the cold hard blank screen of truth as I have so many times before and ask myself, why do I keep choosing to fail?

I currently work in retail and I am successful beyond the average. I have worked at eight different companies and aside from the first two, I have been promoted at every one. The only reason I left any was for a move or no room for advancement. I blame my best friend, who actually started me on the path. He and I push and compliment each other like brothers who grew up in different worlds. He is the book smart, down to the letter, engineer kind of guy with the enthusiasm for creativity but not always the common sense for certain things or situations. As for me, I suppose I am a self described street smart guy with a yearning for knowledge and adventure who if he had applied himself at school would have done considerably better. As a high achiever, my friend became a bar for which I began to judge my own success. If he managed to ace a test and I was close to him without studying, I was content. If he got promoted, I saw that as something I could do. Even our time at the gym was a bit rough on each other, whether we played badminton or worked out.

However this didn’t carry over into other things as we had parted ways for university. I do suspect things might be drastically different if he and I attended school together. Sadly this was not the case. You see I did Computer Science and followed that up with a 3D Animation Diploma, while he went Computer Engineering and into Law. That aside, I realised something while we were apart.

I am terrified to fail.

I saw him get promoted at the movie theatre and decided that he and I were of comparable skill and capabilities. I simply told myself, I can do that. Then I did it. Seeing him go through Engineering and Law, I believe I too could do both of those things. I don’t have an interest in Law but Computer Engineering could be extremely useful in the future with the rise of computing. It wouldn’t be easy, but I could do it.

Writing however differs from this. I have seen him try and write, create worlds and hand me stories to read. All in all, he is not considered a successful writer. This is where I believe my own mental block stems from, but not so much him. I have seen people have success in their writing, I have seen people get published and become best sellers with terrible grammar, horrible plots and empty characters. When I ask myself why can’t I get there, the answer is simple. I have not tried, because like all arts, it is up to interpretation. I am terrified that my dream of creating worlds and stories will come to a crashing end with a publisher simply stating that I am terrible. It is a hard truth, although I have been told this many times in my career in retail.

The issue is, this is intimate. Reading my story is meeting my imaginary friends, exploring my imaginary lands and eavesdropping on my daydreams. When someone walks in on you singing to yourself or dancing like no one is watching, you feel embarrassed. Imagine spending weeks, months or years even, only to have someone tell you that this dream of yours is absolute rubbish. I can fix anything I do at work, there is always a clear cut answer and most of the time my gut is right anyway. But for writing, something vague yet structured where creativity and order amid chaos somehow mingle together to achieve a solid state, I cannot find it in myself to fail. To fail this is to accept reality. I know that failing is merely another chance to revisit what you have done and fix it, but this is the one area I am beyond fragile in. This is my Achilles heel and I am just not sure as to how to overcome it.

Failing NaNoWriMo was devastating for me. I almost always achieve my goals, but life managed to over rule my every move on writing. I have been reading articles on overcoming failure and man are they spot on.

Signs of Fear of Failure
You might experience some of these symptoms if you have a fear of failure:

  • A reluctance to try new things or get involved in challenging projects.
  • Self-sabotage – for example, procrastination, excessive anxiety, or a failure to follow through with goals.
  • Low self-esteem or self-confidence – Commonly using negative statements such as “I’ll never be good enough to get that promotion,” or “I’m not smart enough to get on that team.”
  • Perfectionism – A willingness to try only those things that you know you’ll finish perfectly and successfully.

I’ll be damned. I feel that I definitely Self-Sabotage and I am a notorious Perfectionist. I suppose in regards to writing I lack the confidence, but I always try and challenge myself.

The only thing I apparently can do to help myself is think positively and plot out goals for my writing. Personally I would love to pick a successful writer’s brain on how to actually plan or how they came to some sort of organisation on planning characters and their interactions. For now, this has been a grand first step and hopefully I can continue this soon! I would love any feedback and if you can do me a huge favour, if you read this article, please share it. I would love any and all feedback in overcoming the fear of failure as well as any writing organisation and planning tips!

Yet Another Sporadic Post: The Writing Process

First off, anyone who has not watched a single episode of Game of Thrones should run out and do so now. The show is shot so beautifully and is extremely well adapted from the novels. This leads me to my next mission: I am currently hammering out my world, my characters and my story. As I do so much research into the process behind writing and organization I realize there is still so much I don’t even know about my own world. I once started a story Wiki in hopes I could get all the information laid out in one spot. What I found there was as you write, you rewrite more in your wiki than you do anywhere else. The idea was fantastic, the execution, not so much.

As I have said in prior articles, I used to “free write” if you would. I would sit at a computer or a notepad and just write. Let the ideas pour onto the page. As I tried to be four steps ahead of myself I found I was finishing less and less, and my writing was actually suffering. In fact, even as I write this article, I am simply free writing. It is one thing that is extremely easy to do, yet also completely and utterly useless. I have planned only a few articles, and they shine above all of my others. One of them almost became published, until they realized that I had already posted the work online. They wanted completely original works. So be careful what you post online, it’s already out there and many people aren’t interested what they can already see for free.

Free writing is the parkour of the writing world, and it is a tough monster to master. It is not for the clumsy, just like parkour! What I mean is having a structure, a plan, a method to the madness is a damn good way to make your writing better. I ramble on and on sometimes about god knows what and it seems like I may even know what I’m talking about. Perhaps I do, and perhaps I don’t, but the one thing that I am sure about is that my structured writing is always much better than my free writing. Why is that? I’m glad you asked!

Structure allows for you to maintain the correct motion for your story or article. As you proceed forward your writing can always look back upon itself, but you must still have a purpose for that. I have been known to occasionally write myself into circles. A story that seems like it is going somewhere is not as good as a story that is going somewhere. Also, keep people’s interest. Two of the most popular fantasy series to date are among the most descriptive stories ever written. I’m talking about Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones. Both of these writers knew their worlds inside and out, and I will bet that George R.R. Martin remembers virtually every bit of dialogue from his novels. But in both of these stories there are tremendous amounts of purpose and direction. In Lord of the Rings we have the one ring getting ever closer to its eventual end and in Game of Thrones we have many factions fighting for the throne. In Game of Thrones it is harder to see the progression, but the easiest example to point out is that of Daenerys Targaryen. She is someone who, without spoiling too much, has travelled a long way and has experienced much on the path to obtaining her main goal.

These stories are exceptional pieces of fiction, the same goes for The Hunger Games and Harry Potter.  Do you think any of these stories had no planning involved? Absolutely not. My writing process thus far has been pretty simple and I would say, start with these.

  • Read, Watch, Play, Learn – The more you know, the richer your stories become.
The next questions are actually from Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail.
  • What is your name? – Writing a character you know makes the writing more powerful, but it is easy to make up a character and know them. After all, you did create them!
  • What is your quest? – Do you seek the Holy Grail? Perhaps a shrubbery? You must know what the main storyline is. The character and the plot are what move the story. Is it possible to have more than one point of view? Of course! Does that make it a million times harder? Yes, of course it does. Stick with one point of view until you feel comfortable switching. One of the best parts of a book is being given that bit of information or insight into a character’s mind that may tell you more about them than their actions ever could.
  • What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? This question seems irrelevant, but that was its point. Keep focused on your story. If something seems out of place, then it probably is. Cut it. Yes it is hard to cut something, especially whole chapters or even characters, but sometimes things just don’t fit in. You must reread your work. Be fruitful with your ideas, harsh with your criticisms and trim the fat.

So you’ve got your character, your plot and a bunch of notes scribbled haphazardly across a page. Fantastic, you’re a writer. There are a few million exactly like you. Now how do you get better? Repeat those steps above, repeatedly. How do you get published? I am still trying to figure that one out myself. You can self publish, especially with eBooks these days. But hopefully you will be able to hone your writing skills a little better with these suggestions.

Also in my previous post, I tossed out a template for keeping track of story information. I have expanded from just two sheets, to a hefty five, and could easily add a creatures sheet as well. I have my Plot Line sheet, and then four mimicking the Character tracking sheet. Those four are Characters, Places, Items and Lore. I hope that if this idea makes it from here to publication, people will be able to read the exact way that I worked it out as I wrote because that is the one thing I cannot find online.

So many writers have a “How To Write” blog, book, app, class or video… but how many of those writers are successful? I swear there is some kind of writer’s guild that forbids successful writers from making useful and helpful tutorials into their writing success. If anyone finds a great one, please feel free to pass it on to me. After reading this I am sure you probably think I need just as much help as you may need!

That is it for now, until this canuck-amuck’s next sporadic update, farewell and feel free to email me or comment below!