Jump.

Looking down upon the glass like surface of the lake, I stared back at myself. A fool? Maybe. It had been a harder year than most. Next year would be better, I promised myself. Next year. I could see tiny fish darting around the surface, picking at flies atop the water, breaking the surface ever so delicately. The ripples were quick and large at first, then drifted off into nothingness.

Jump.

The wilderness around me made no point of noticing my arrival. Birds sang their songs. Lizards and other weary creatures darted through the bushes. The wind whistled through the trees. The air was crisp and smelled of fresh rain, probably sometime throughout the night before. There couldn’t be a better place. Everything kept on their merry way as if to say, the world has made it this far without you… it will continue on long after you’re gone. A harsh truth, but a truth indeed.

Jump.

Moisture seeped through my pants from the moss covered log I chose for a seat. It was uncomfortable, but not hard to deal with. I stared down at the watery looking glass below, wondering why I’d come here. Life was too hard and what was the point? Friends were sometimes worse than enemies, with their betrayal even more shocking. Family could hurt you more than anyone else due to your close relationship with them, even if they never meant to. A long slow sigh escaped my lips. I stood and glanced down upon myself, a sad sight to see.

Jump.

I was only a boy. An explorer. Out in the wilderness looking for lizards and snakes. Nothing was poisonous where I grew up, the worst thing I could find would be a bear, still, no one wondered where I was so long as I was home for dinner. The shaggy haired boy staring up at me from the murky depths below seemed to be beckoning me. Jump. Jump. Jump…

Jump.

As my feet left the ledge, I saw the dirt from my shoes scatter across the pristine surface of the lake. As my reflection blurred into hundreds of tiny waves I felt the cold of the water take me quickly, my body submerging faster than expected. I stared up through the darkness to the shimmering light above as the water and light danced around the trees watching over me. At first, the instincts kick in, causing you to hold your breath. Bubbles rise from your clothing, your mouth and nose. I watched as each bubble rose silently to the surface and disappeared into the air beyond. Was this the right thing to do?

Panic.

I was never a good swimmer, in fact some described me as a better boat anchor. This time would prove no different. As I sank deeper into the lake, the trees above drifted into a darker haze. I felt my lungs heaving for oxygen. If I opened my mouth, or breathed through my nose, water would fill them. Eventually however, your body gets what it needs or wants, despite knowing your brain is attending to other matters. I watch as the air leaves my lungs, and I choke on the sudden intake of water. My heart raced and I felt helpless. My hands instinctively grasped at my throat, my eye strangely enough twitching as I sank further.

I stared up to the faded trees and felt the uneven bottom of the lake below my legs. Branches, rocks and other unknowns keep my footing from catching. Waving my left hand into the darkness, I found only dirt and my knee landed gently on a rock. The darkness of the lake began to fade into an even darker shade as I coughed and sputtered for air. In the darkness you are alone. Silence. There is no one there. No angel. No devil. No heaven, nor hell. Just nothing.

For a moment, I regret everything… before the darkness takes me.

The heaving brings my chest a fire unlike anything I’d felt before. Water ejected through my nose as my blurred vision stared up through the leaves into the afternoon sky beyond. Breakfast and lunch violently exited through my nostrils and mouth until my lungs felt the sweet luxury of oxygen again. Exhausted and sore, I laid on my side staring into the mud. Was I dead? Was this the afterlife? My pulse pumped the blood quickly through my veins, pounding and pounding like I’d just run the hundred meters. If I were dead, surely I wouldn’t feel these pains. Surely something would be different. I sat up amid the pain and slung my damp arm across my abdomen.

I’m still alive, somehow.

Who saved me? It had to have been someone. I looked around, hoping to see a familiar face. Still, the birds sang their songs. Lizards and other weary creatures darted through the bushes. The wind whistled through the trees. The air was crisp and still smelled of fresh rain. The same… yet somehow different. The air felt incredible as I breathed it in. I laid back into the mud and closed my eyes. The sound of my breathing began to relax me; In and out, in and out, in and out. My neck muscles were tense from heaving and burned as I made my way to my feet. I was quite light headed and dizzy, my feet carried me clumsily to a nearby tree. My shoulder landed hard against it, but as it took my weight, I felt the world slowly spinning less and less.

The walk from the lake back to the house would be the longest of my dozen short years in the world. I’d never felt more alone than when I was completely submerged. No friends. No family. No God. I felt my heart race as the thoughts in my head matched its pace. There was no God, not for me, not anymore. I’d been the sole one in my family to attend church regularly. No one else had cared, but I always wanted to do the right thing, despite all the horrible things I had done in the past year. I’d stolen from my parents. I’d stolen from the store. I’d bullied some kids. I got into fights. The trend was easy to see. I was making a lot of terrible decisions. No one else. Just me.

Some would say God was with me that day. They would tell me of how he saved me and showed me what I needed to see to carry on. After all, he’d done worse to Job. My argument from such a young age would be simply that it was against his teachings to tell me he didn’t exist so I could go on.

I couldn’t lean on God forever.

Nor could I blame Satan for my sins.

That responsibility was mine.

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This is a short story based around depression at a young age. Do not fear readers, it is only fiction and yes I am okay! I decided to write this piece to focus on the emotions and descriptions of a character. My writing is normally dialogue heavy, so hopefully this works well. I did use certain elements from my own life within here to give the story more impact but I would be curious to hear what you thought of it!

Also, if you or anyone you know are suffering from depression or are showing signs of it, please reach out to them! Life is sometimes so busy we forget to make time for those who need it the most, and sometimes a simple text, email or call could keep them smiling or even just keep them going! Depression does not discriminate, and it can happen to those young and old!

Good luck out there fellow writers!