(This is only Episode Two, so don’t fret and catch up at The Middle Class Assassin: Tough Times!)
Arriving home I opened the door and yelled the ever so clichéd, “Honey, I’m home!” I stood at the door for a minute waiting for something… anything. “Hmm, well I guess no one wants these presents I got!” Suddenly I heard the sound of giggling and laughing as my kids came running around the corner. Vanessa made it to me first, two years old and she could outrun her four year old brother. Not bad for a little tyke. As she stared up at me with those two big hazel eyes, she mispronounced her expectation. “Pwesent?” I could feel the smile drift across my face. “Yeah, I’ve got it right here!” As I tickled her, she flailed in hopes of making an escape. Meanwhile Samuel, her brother, watched on. “I don’t want that present!” He then disappeared into the kitchen. As I picked Vanessa up, she was still giggling when I carried her into the kitchen to see if I could find my beautiful wife.
“How was Dwayne?” She said quietly, knowing that was the exact reason I was late. Her name was January, but she was as warm as a summer’s breeze. “He’s doing great actually, invited me to some party next week.” I leaned in and kissed her rosy cheek. No matter the day, she never wore make up, and in my eyes that made her even more beautiful. “How went the job hunt?” I asked while I tried to fend off the attention grabbing attempts from Vanessa. “I have an interview this week, but it doesn’t seem hopeful. I mean they said you need a degree, and I don’t, but they called me back anyway.” She looked to me with a hint of concern. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, but go in there thinking you’ve already got the job. Confidence means so much, so believe in your experience. Believe that the interview is because of that.” A bright smile lit up across her face. “You’re so right, you always know just what to say.” She sighed happily and managed to sneak me a kiss amid the flailing of a two year old. “Supper will be ready shortly.”
That night is a blur between putting the kids to bed, making love and thinking about half a million dollars. Really, what could I do with that? In fact I might as well fast forward to the next week as the days leading up to the party could not have been any more routine than if they had been scripted. I think I actually heard a laugh track then I tripped on the same run in the carpet three days in a row. But Thursday came and I woke up with some renewed vigor. I shaved, showered, gelled my hair and put on my best suit. I stared at myself in the mirror. “Damn, I look incredible.” I kissed the ever so lovely January adieu, hopped in my car and turned the key. Nothing. I turned it again. Nothing. I beat on the steering wheel as if to kill the damn thing. I beat it so hard that my hand was sore. I walked in to let January know but she was already in the shower, why disturb her?
I stood at the bus stop in the sweltering heat. The suit breathed like plastic wrap, and was probably half as comfortable, so I was relieved when a cloud finally blocked out the sun. Relieved until that blessing became a curse. At first I ignored it, a slight feeling of something on my face. I wiped away and there was nothing. Suddenly, I was being assaulted by a torrential downpour. Damn this world and my horrible luck. If it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all. As I stood there accepting the rain, finally the bus came down the street. As it pulled close to the curb, neither the driver nor I saw the puddle before it was too late. The door to the bus opened and I was even more soaked from head to toe than I was moments ago. The driver looked exceptionally apologetic as he attempted an apology. “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, this storm came out of nowhere!” I smiled a little. “Yeah, just like that puddle.” As I turned to look down the bus, I saw people moving bags onto seats and pushing over so there was no room for me. Real nice, but I couldn’t blame them. After all, I looked like Swamp Thing.
As I stood in the aisle dripping, people made their way out the back door of the bus, or the front. Really just the opposite direction of me. As the driver came to a stop after the majority of the people got off, he declared the next would be his last. I was concerned and decided to question that. “Wait, don’t you go uptown?” The driver kindly shook his head. “I’m sorry son, but we only do that during peak hours. You probably had just missed the uptown bus as I start the next run after that.” I shook my head in disbelief. The driver made his way to the next stop and as everyone else got off, I slowly made my way to the exit when the door closed in front of me. “Where are you headed uptown?” I told him and he grinned. “Well you’re in luck, that’s on the outskirts and close to the terminal. I’ll swing you by as I take this bus to fuel up.” I breathed a sigh of relief. It was about time some good luck came my way.
As the bus dropped me off outside some huge steel gates, I felt compelled to tell him this couldn’t be right. I walked up and noticed an intercom by their mailbox. I pushed the “Call” button and suddenly the oh so familiar voice of Dwayne came over the speaker. “Hello, hello? Is this thing even working?” I grinned. “Dwayne, it’s me! Brad!” I could still hear some fighting with the technology on the other end. “Hello!? Brad? Did you say Brad? If that’s you Brad, the gate is… open!” I walked towards it and gave it a push, it didn’t budge. “Uhh Dwayne? It’s not opening.” After a string of cursing, the gate finally began to open. As they opened, Dwayne announced over the speaker, “Welcome to Chateau De Dwayne!”