Let’s start by saying that things don’t always go according to plan.

If you’re looking for many words of inspiration, you won’t find them here. No, instead you’ll find a plethora of reasons as to why I have been unable to get published. I’ll skip through them and cut straight to the chase, I needed a breather.

You see, writing is a labor of love and self-abuse. You write something you love, then you make it look like you meant to write it the way that you did. Then you tidy up your grammar, make vital cuts, and rewrite until your fingers ache. At some point, I think I began to tell myself that my story wasn’t up to scratch, that despite all of the fantastic and glorious feedback I’d received, somehow my book was awful.

So I edited it.

Then edited some more.

I cut a character; a dangerous game when you’ve written two novels set after book one.

I did this until I finally backed away after rejection #(Still in double digits somewhere) and just stepped away from submitting to agents. Then, I stepped away from the book completely. I stepped away from writing completely.

I changed careers, loving my new job when they suddenly announced a change that will dramatically affect my work/life balance. I put my head in my hands and I felt my pulse race. Not again. I ran my fingers through what little hair I do have. Not again.

Now I sit on the precipice of yet another decision. Stick with the new job and sacrifice 6 hours a week with my son? Or find work elsewhere as the company is refusing to budge on their decision.

Whatever happens, I opened the door to my writing room once again and peered in, a physical and visual representation of my mind. Books stacked every which way. A half-finished wooden globe beckoning to be finished. Two hourglasses sit, mocking the time I’m wasting. I sit the three new books I bought from work on a pile and move globe pieces from my usual writing chair.

***

Odd to come back to a half written post a few months later.

No, I’m still not published. No, I still haven’t gotten back into my writing routine.

However…

I’ve made a deal with a fellow writer to help push her to add more to her manuscript in preparation for a Varuna Fellowship next year. I’m going to edit at ten times whatever she writes. Yes, I hate myself that much. But also, she has stretch goals including me cutting and rewriting chapters. If she keeps ahead of target, I’ll keep pushing like I’ve got a month to live. Essentially, if she finished above 30,000 words, I should have edited and rewritten a brand new draft of my book next month. Don’t worry everyone… the energy drinks are on the way. So is the printed and bound manuscript I’ve ordered for such an occasion. Made me feel good when Officeworks called to say the book was too big for the thermal binding. Then I also started sweating. NaNoWriMo is more NaNoEdMo for me. I just hope I survive.

Also, because trying to edit and rewrite a novel isn’t enough, me and my wife are looking into buying a secondhand bookshop. It’s been on the cards to run our own business for a long time and we always put things off like buying property, investing, skipped over buying a business not too long ago, and now… here we are. This may not be the exact opportunity we’ve been looking for, but it also very well may. Anyway, for now I’ll be editing… if I get a chance, I’ll try and pop by here at least a little bit more frequently!