So, did you know that it’s September already?

Working retail has this uncanny way of causing the year to fly by. Something to do with the way the week runs; Reports Monday, Coaching Tuesday or Wednesday, New Catalogue Thursday, Weekend Prep Friday, Sell-Sell-Sell Saturday or Sunday, Rince and Repeat. Then suddenly it’s stocktake, and you realise that six months have passed since you last had stocktake… which is unsettling as it feels as though it were yesterday.

The past six months for me have been a bit different but the routine is the same, just in a different store. I changed up roughly three weeks ago, and it has been going pretty well. The only problem I’ve had is the new store has higher foot traffic so now I’m pretty beat after a day of work. Of course, this is just another excuse for why I haven’t managed to get much done in recent months.

In reality, I think I’ve watched almost three seasons of Arrow (which I’d originally convinced myself away from watching), caught nearly all of the available Pokemon in Pokemon GO and finally bred myself a Shiny Charmander in Pokemon Alpha Sapphire.

So much accomplished, right?

There is a part of me that wonders why I allow myself to be distracted by all these things when I do enjoy creating my own world and stories so much. Of course, there is the fact that I do enjoy them, which is as good a reason as anyone would need. But there’s more to it than that.

I work as a Manager at a retail outlet where I have to be 100% on, always. I have to always be positive and I have to lead by example. I have to set the bar and hold people accountable. No matter my mood, or how I feel, I have to put on that game face and just do it. This can be taxing, just as much as it can be rewarding. A part of me wishes I had created my own business, or still would. But job security when building a house (or owning one) is a definite win.

A part of me wishes I had created my own business, or still would. But job security when building a house (or owning one) is a definite win. Not just that, but I wish I could be a published author… or start up a publishing house… or, well… the list goes on. Of course, luckily for me, I’m not dead yet but I’m also not getting any younger.

I let these games and the such distract me from what really matters and my goals because they grant that immediate sense of achievement. They grant rewards for hard work. They help me not think about the fact that stocktake is a week away, my boss’s holidays are right after that and Christmas is immediately after that. They help me not think about the fact that we will be building a house and the land will be registered to us hopefully in the next few months. They help me not focus on the fact that I haven’t written nearly at all this year because I feel lost when it comes to getting published.

That’s where I feel like I’m adrift at sea or walking aimlessly through the desert. The path to a publishing house seems ridiculously convoluted or simply pay an agent. The worst part about this is every job I’ve ever had, I’ve been able to see the path ahead and climb the ladder of progression; A simple “if you perform, you will be rewarded” type scheme… which probably explains why I’m still climbing ladders.

Who knows what the next year will bring, but I do know that I won’t get published this year. After Christmas though, it’s time to get back into writing. Disappointed I won’t meet the goal I set for myself this year, but I think realising it wasn’t exactly within my capabilities is one step closer to understanding what I will have to do when the time comes.