Some days I find it hard to believe that I’ve written a novel. Then the next minute I imagine myself on the Tonight Show sharing a laugh with Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake. Is that the dream? Who knows…

I have a prepared manuscript but the more I look at submission requirements for different publishers, the more I realise they all want something different:

• First three chapters, letter about the author and a self-addressed envelope.
• Your five best chapters, tears of a virgin and a trained eagle to bring it back to you.
• Full novel, your soul, the still beating heart of a goat and your first born child. (Don’t worry, we send the novel back with them.)

One thing is common, one-inch border around the edge. Nailed it.

I reread some of my favorite moments from Jefferson & The Magician’s Curse and it feels good to say they flow well and I’ve read similar styles in the novels that have influenced me. That makes me feel like I’m not far off, but all it takes is one strange sentence and I freak out until I fix it. Reading a passage aloud really helps it flow better, but then I often worry if I’ve changed the way the character would have said it. Ugh, I really hate second guessing myself.

You see, for those of you out there like me, we have a special bond in those moments with the characters. We aren’t writing them, we are living them. Okay, reading that aloud sounds pretentious but seriously, I have these conversations with myself.

I am the hero.

I am the villain.

I am the shifty woman in the leather trenchcoat selling blunt daggers in the background.

So at the time of writing the novel, I’m there in the action and screaming for someone to help a fallen comrade. Fast forward a year… and I’m a guy sitting at a desk reminiscing about that battle.

“Yeah man… that was rough, wasn’t it? Just dead. Nothing we could do.”

It’s a whole different moment in time and it’s not that the moment is lost, but the time has passed and the passion is different.

Anyway back to the beating heart of a goat, some of these publishers (mainly the big ones that everyone wants to go with) have time frames as well. One wants an exclusive three-month window. Exclusive? That’s fine. Take three months to get back to me? That’s rough. Or better, three to nine months. By that time I could be married AND have a kid (all the better for the first born clause, see earlier in the post for details).

So now I must begin the painful process of choosing a publisher. Oh, and for the record, chooseyourpublisher.com is absolutely a sham site. I did indeed enter fake details but still! At the end of it, they want to call and try to sucker you into self-publishing!

Not today my call center friend!

Not today!